Chapter VII - continuare

Lamar has been sleeping for two days now… Roun tied her up on her horseback and continued their way in the mountains. Carrying her made it even more difficult for the companions and slowed them down a lot. Astara feared their slow moving would take all of them to their death and even suggested they left her in a safe shelter and move on.

-It’s not you who I need, Lamar… said the voice. And she recalled the long, lean face of Istahar. You master your sword, but not your magic. And this is not a battle of the swords…
-You need someone to get that key for you… Send a magic user, and he’ll taste the blade of a nobody before he even gets close to it.
-Send you… and you’ll die of chaos… you can’t face a murb alone… you need magic.
-My magic is good enough.
-You are ashamed of it. You never let it grow…always hiding who you really were… Hiding behind the blood you shed.
-Blood cures everything…
-Not everything, Lamar… First, prove you still got it… and maybe I’ll choose you…

And Istahar faded in the darkness of unconsciousness… Other voices raised… some of them well known, some of the past, some she had never heard before.

-I can’t be what you want me to be… she heard herself saying. And she remembered the room, the old table, the orange wine they used to share.
I need you more as a friend than a lover. When I look at you… I feel nothing.
-Yet when I’m gone, you’re pining after me. You’re hunting me, feeding from me… over and over again.
-There’s something that allows me not go closer… You’d kill me with your desires, your love. I’m not a woman. I’m made of stone and steel… Love me, and you’ll hurt yourself in my blade.
-Yet I’m ready to do so… Many times now, I did it… How many… six, seven… I don’t know… there could be hundreds, and I’d still answer your call. Yet you don’t see it, do you?
-You are a friend. Everything else is just lust… The hungry animal inside…that sometimes breaks free and howls for its prey.
-I am what you need when your beasts escape your own prisons… But those beasts are you, Lamar. Those beasts are you…
-If I fought you, I would kill you… If I loved you, I couldn’t just walk away…as I am about to do…soon.
-And I would normally believe you. But not this time. But not after the last night. Because last night I felt the real you, the one behind your leather armor. And that woman loved me.
-But this one doesn’t, Hyrus… This one doesn’t love anyone and never will, because she forgot how to do it. Now, if you excuse me… It’s been a pleasure to know you… and some of your spells… I wish you well…
-The next time you’ll come back… there will be nothing here to turn to.
-Of course there will… A hundred times you’d wait for me, wouldn’t you? These are your words…
-Yes, I would have… The first time, the second time… This time… maybe it’s just the orange wine we shared… But this time… You’ll have nothing to turn to. Because I am your friend. But I can’t be just a friend… It would be a lie… So if you just come for more spells… I won’t be here… Not unless you come for me.
-Hyrus… heart of a poet… a dreamer… What could I possibly do with you? We’ll see about that.
-This heart… It’s turning to stone. These ashes are petrifying. When you come back… you’ll have to fight that rock to get to me. And I won’t make it easy for you. Because this battle is not for the sword… And you’re about to lose it.
-I never lose… And darkness came again, howling like the wolves, screaming about battles that were not of the swords… Words she cannot comprehend, words she was trying to cut with her silver knife, with no result. And words covered her as autumn leaves and she felt sorrow and suffocation and confusion … and then she heard herself screaming…

-I can’t kill him!
-You have to… Think of what you really want!

And then she saw herself holding a body… his warm blood getting through her leather knee cap, heating her skin.
-I told you … you’d look for me and never find me…
-Am I loosing you?
-I guess you are…
-Just why? Why didn’t you fight back…? Why did you make it so easy…?
-Are you crying, Lamar? You’re made of steel and stone… What you came for… take the black book. I’ll do this for you… to keep you alive… not for …

Darkness again… voices again… screams…
-I would not use the magic!!! Would never!!!
Screams… pain… the noise, the shouts, the cry of the battle… the smell of blood…
Her voice spelling the complicated words of magic… The feeling of being alive…
The guilt… And then again Istahar’s voice…

- Always hiding who you really were… Hiding behind the blood you shed.

Darkness… silent, like eternity… like the deepest, dreamless sleep… Darkness… silence…



-Shouldn’t she be awake by now, asked Roun, knowing that Astara couldn’t really provide a good answer.
She made a small gesture of her shoulders, showing irritation and weariness.
-Tell me what do you need me to tell you and I will. How can I possible know that? And frankly, I don’t care. She’ll be fine in a while… But to me, right now, she’s nothing more than a burden. A burden that might cost our lives.
It was exactly what he expected and he upbraided himself for the lousy question he couldn’t help not to ask.
“Well, he thought… Of course she’ll be fine…”
And they continued their journey in that tensed and annoying silence Roun knew Astara used to keep for punishing him.
He looked at Lamar and checked the bindings. They were solid. He caressed the red hair.
-Oh, it’s you… Lamar said opening her eyes.
Roun rapidly retracted his hand.
-How do you feel?
-Stiff and aching… What are these?
-We had to tie you up, to make sure you won’t fell of the horse.
-Oh, please… Take them away…
-Can you ride?
-Of course I can… Who’s her?
-Oh, I present you lady Astara of Parthanasti. She saved your life. In fact she saved both our lives.
-Oh, thank you… Now I must be so honored to travel along with high society Elven company…
Roun didn’t figure if that was irony or politeness, but he suspected the first one. Nevertheless he hoped Astara got it in a more comforting way…